i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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