I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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