Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
