Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
