I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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