Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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