If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
