I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Randomize
