forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
