just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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