I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
