I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
