cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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