My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
