Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
