Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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