You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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