I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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