when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
