Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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