Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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