i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
