There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
