I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
