I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
