Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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