Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
