can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
