So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My feet surprised me
Randomize
