i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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