I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
