My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
