It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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