Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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