Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
