How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
