it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
