so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
