We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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