Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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