i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
