Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
