I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
