someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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