Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
