It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
