hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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