Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
