dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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