your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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