Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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